Our challenge was to literally “carry our ego” for one day. A blue, glass water bottle (rubber encased) represented my ego; the handle had one end of a green ribbon tied to it, and the other knot tied to my wrist: zero detachment.
The actual weight and carrying an object made me more aware of what I was doing, I was taking care of a tangible thing. While sitting multi-tasking at my computer, I decided on a whim I needed to attend to soup on the stove…I went quickly to adjust the temperature and forgot my ego was tied to my wrist – CRASHING bottle on my keyboard. I become engrossed in a quick to-do list and forgot my ego, but it didn’t forget me.
Taking a shower is usually a private matter, although the water bottle attended. Usually, my mind flutters on many things in shower-time, but I was more conscious of my actions since my ribbon was only so long which constricted movement. There were less thoughts – just the mode: clean body. Instead of getting lost in an infinite daydream shower and wasting water, I took a relaxing shower.
Now in public, the mind reading began! My ego really spoke up at Whole Foods, patrons in salad bar line were ‘thinking’: why does that dude have a wet leash connected to a water bottle – a compulsive freak, hydration reminder, what da bleep?
The ego is always with me: it banged up my keyboard physically reminding me it can hurt/love with actions that come from an absent center, showed mindfulness of an individual activity like showering can bring peace and efficiency, and exposed its insecurity, analyzation, judgment in a salad bar line.
Even the thoughts I write, are the coming from my mind, the ego, a mixture? What is authentic? Authenticity: a definition that can be subjective, as a culture we lie so much so where to begin – start being yourself? Confuse the fick out the ego, create a panic mode…wait, this dude is being real, WE have an image to withhold – no, put organic plain hummus on the salad, not bright yellow cheese – we are vegan warrior, I thought we were a team!?
So the tricky part, the whole purpose of this blog – doing something in the name of positivity. Ego has no clue how to differentiate good and bad…it just wants to be noticed. How was carrying the water bottle a positive act? The water bottle awoke whatever watches my ego at a heightened level, I became a witness to some of the insanity I listen daily (the mind averages 70,000 thoughts a day), a deeper compassion for myself and others, more inviting feeling to what is, less analyzation, more presence…I actually laughed at the loconess.
I will try to be more mindful of my ego, pause to give it attention with zero judgment which will create room for zero attachment.