Today a stranger challenged me to compliment every person I happened to talk to. It started off with a casual “thank you. Your idea is amazing” but my day soon transitioned into the absolutely unexpected.
I began by complimenting people on shallow things, such as their seemingly new shoes or their very large designer handbag, noticing the smile that grew on strangers’ faces and the pride in their stride as we parted ways. It felt nice to make people feel good about themselves.
I was casually walking through a parking lot when I spotted a homeless man that needed my full bottle of water more than I did. As I handed him the water, I told him that I loved his Lakers jersey and he told me that he loved my generosity. I noticed in that moment that I had been giving compliments on peoples exteriors all day, and while that made them, and myself, feel good, I wasn’t complimenting people on their choice of actions; things that they control that make them who they are, things that make them exceptional. So as my day went on I complimented people on their kindness, their aspirations, their lifestyle choices, their ideas, etc. The smiles were twice as large and that stride in their pride looked like some kind of happy dance. I was making friends with complete strangers, the woman at the checkout line at the grocery store, the mailman who dropped off a package, the nice man who always walks his dog outside of my house at 3:15pm every day, people I would have never taken the time to consider.
One woman at my dry cleaner asked me why I was so kind and although I wanted to tell her something along the lines of “I am always this nice”, I told her about the task given to me that morning. She said it was an amazing idea and said she would give it a try and update me on how it goes next time I happen to run into her.
Now I don’t know if she really gave it a full effort and that’s not what matters. What matters is that I planted the seed inside that woman’s head and inspired her to try something new, something that would benefit other people and not just herself.
So now I challenge you, blog-reader or whoever you may be, to try something new. Go out and give everyone a high-five or strike up a conversation with that guy in the coffee shop that you see sitting alone every morning. Go out and put a smile on someone else’s face. But don’t do it because I told you to, do it because “strangers are just family you have yet to meet”.
I challenged myself a simple task, NOT to look at mirrors for 5 days. Not so simple, mirrors are everywhere:
~ Car Rearview, Side View & Windows
~ Cell Phone Reflection
~ Store Windows & Doors
~ Yoga Studios & Gyms
~ Endless Places of Reflection…
I covered all the mirrors in my apartment although anytime in public I would ‘cheat’ for a split second without even noticing – check my face while washing my hands, look at my hair while getting into my car, and admiring my profile while walking by car windows in a grocery store parking lot.
So, I really wasn’t able to groom my face and I became this burly, scruffy man for about a week. My interaction with people became different – I made direct eye contact because I was self conscious, I didn’t want them checking out my face for so-called imperfections: pimple villages, nose hairs flaring out like vines, or crud on my teeth (thank you U11 girls soccer team for pointing out spinach remnants). This was a positive blessing in disguise – I made other people the focal point by eye-locking them like Top Gun Maverick. They become the center of ‘my’ universe, I was way interested in what they were saying and I felt connection – soul talking to soul, not my looks talking to their looks.
No access to mirrors led to less identification and more substance for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some cleanliness – just realized lately looks were becoming a larger part of my identity. This is how I grew up, Darren Star the producer of Beverly Hills 90210 and Sex and the City was a graduate of my high school. I look back now and have so much compassion for the girls who walked our halls – it was a fashion, body, and attitude contest.
People will say things will never change – this is society and looks are important…go live in a hippie commune, a cave, or choose the radical option of ‘I don’t care’ – choosing this choice can be considered weird, although again you are upholding some identity…maybe there is something beyond society and words – what if you forgot the concept of SELF? What if for just thirty seconds I could convince you that you don’t exist? Ask yourself when you were born, who gave you identity, who would you be without a name, what if you never believed a word of the ego?
Humans are pulled to connection, it’s wired in our DNA, it’s where SELF is lost and this is when I feel most alive. I have spent months alone to figure nothing will ever trump the choice of love – no matter how cliché that sounds, I always come back and ask: was l loving to myself, others and the environment in this moment – even when situations/people are toxic, I accept the reality and then take action with love. I am less attached to this SELF I’ve been protecting for years, what in the world am I protecting? Nobody will remember my body when I die, I’ve been to many funerals and I remember the way people made me feel and treated me in life. It’s never too late – live a life with love…print out your favorite quote, make your own, and tape it to your bathroom mirror – directly over where your face is center stage, read it every morning – memorize it, or use below…
“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ‘tomorrow’ on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday’s defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. Take the baton, now. Run with it! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” ~ Og Mandino
Many of us are living comfortably and enjoying the necessities we have available to us. Since our last recession and instabilities in our market, there are still many unfortunate people out there without homes and without a comfortable living. Some not even having enough for decent meal :(
I have a task for you that will definitely brighten someones day! It was be such an awesome thing if you could give out some McDonald’s meals to several homeless individuals around the area. The smallest efforts and even a little thing like this will help give back and make a person’s day better.
Every little thing counts. Good Luck!
Positive Present decided to take our act to the street, we wanted to fundraise for our cause (apparel line) and to leave our comfort zone with the hope of learning something positive…gorillas and saxophones!
Location: Seaport Village – San Diego…tourists central!
PP Accountant Intern: saxophone statue player.
PP Founder: Gorilla with a hockey stick and pasta pot.
Action: Gorilla plays pasta pot across on walkway (hockey puck) in front of walkers (families are the best)…we freeze like statues and hope for donations/tips. If we get money, we go ape sh*t – gorilla dances loco and saxophone jams out!
Revenue – $7 to the saxophone intern for his skills and gas money, $2 for the Parrot Guy (we took over his turf), $5 to a homeless shelter vendor, and $16 for parking…ended up $6 in the red.
Positivity – The kids loved us, except for that one time and I approached a girl too fast, something out of ‘Gorillas in the Mist’ and she cried for help. Besides scaring a young child for life, we had fun!
Personally I learned about my own ‘mask’ – oddly I had to put on a gorilla mask to become loco, spontaneous, and loving when I am free to live this way daily. We are so consumed of protecting an identity that lives in an organ that we forget the goodness and carefree attitude of our true nature. People put on ‘masks’ all the time to protect their vulnerability – their thoughts and emotions have that much power over them…instead of perhaps saying I am love – beyond this temporary body and self-image.
Mark Nepo says it best, “We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are, when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed, and beneath every sadness is a fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances for joy. It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting that we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real.
In this way, our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world, but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold, and the car handle feels wet, and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being soft and unrepeatable.
As you breathe, let each breath undress your being–of attitude, of mood, of history.”
Try the ‘mask’ of vulnerability, let your heart pour open…yes, hurt might happen although at least you will be alive instead in the prison of ‘what if’ thoughts. Go ape sh*t and enjoy the video!
Did you know animal agriculture contributes heavily to pollution and carbon dioxide emissions in the world? Aside from religious, health, or ethical reasons, vegetarianism is also much more eco-friendly than eating meat.
Try being vegetarian for a day. You’ll reduce your carbon footprint, fighting against forces like global warming, and contribute to a greener, more sustainable world.
A lot of stores these days will ask you to donate to a charity they are raising money for. Some ask for a dollar and some will just ask for change to round to the nearest dollar. Every little bit helps for these charities! So try doing it for a week:) – Lucy